My Big Fat Gay Wedding

This year my partner of almost 4 years and I tied the knot. It was a wonderful beautiful ceremony in Oakland. Aside from the homeless guy outside the park spouting off nonsense during our vows, it was perfect. We thought it made our day so much more unique. Who else can say that that happened at their ceremony? So the big question that many of our guests asked us prior to the event was not; “who’s going to walk you down the aisle? Or, do your families get along? Or even, who is in your bridal party?” The big question was, “What are you going to wear?” And, “what should we wear?”!! My partner and I thought this was the most amusing question. Not really the question about what were we going to wear because we could have worn almost anything. But we were going the more traditional route; me in an antique champagne and cream mermaid style dress and my girl in a cream colored suit with matching vest and tie. The question of the day, “What should we wear?”, was quite perplexing. I was not sure if people were asking because this was their first gay wedding and were unclear if the dress code was the same as for straight weddings. Just because we’re gay doesn’t mean you’ve got to wear a rainbow tie or flannel button down. I mean we weren’t planning a themed wedding either. It would have been included on the invitation to wear your best grass skirt and coconut shells if that were the case. It was not formal/black tie attire or that would have been on the invite as well. What was even more confusing is when our gay friends started asking us the same question. I started to become angry. Our wedding is not any different from any other wedding that you’ve attended! Standard wedding attire!

Then, my more rational, social worky side, said, “people really just don’t know what to wear to weddings in general”. Going to a wedding always brings up a lot of “stuff” or as we social workers say, “issues” for people. If you don’t have a date, you need to look hot in case there are any single groomsmen or bridesmaids. If you’re going with a date, you still need to look good because you don’t want your date to think that the bridesmaids are more attractive than you. What if I’m wearing the same color as the bridesmaids’ dresses? What if the bride decides to wear a red dress and I wear a red dress? Disaster! So, here is my advice.
1. Wear whatever makes you feel comfortable; except for white. White is never acceptable at a wedding no matter how astounding you look in a strapless dress with your new spray on tan.
2. You can’t go wrong with black. I have a little silk black dress that I bought for almost $200; but it was a great investment. I have worn it to 2 weddings; soon to be 3 and my rehearsal dinner. You can always buy cheap accessories to change up the look for each occasion. And don’t forget about shoes. Even if you buy your little black dress for $39.99 at Target, you can make it look like a million bucks with a hot pair of purple, silver, or even pink heels. If you’re not feeling femme enough for a dress, then go with a nice pair of black trousers, crisp collared shirt of any color, and if you’re daring, a skinny tie. Always be sure to wear nice, polished black shoes, and black socks of course! Silver cufflinks will top off the outfit and be sure to woo the bridesmaid or groomsman of your choice (whatever your preference).

Fashion is My Passion

I went to school to become a social worker but as much as I love my job, it is not my passion. I never wanted to admit that something so superficial would indeed be my passion. I wanted to change the world. Make it a better place. Help people. I didn’t think that fashion was the path to these goals. Although, I’m sure many folks in the fashion industry would disagree with me. I’m not one of those artsy fashionistas. I don’t even really like most of what I see coming down the runways. But I do love clothes, and shoes, and oh yes accessories. I love accessories. So, you’re saying to yourself, “get to the point already, what is this blog going to be about?” Well, I will tell you my little fashion protégés. This blog is going to be about what I think about fashion, tips on fashion, as well as, how to look good on a budget. I will also have reviews of local shops and artists who I find interesting and worthy of my good taste.

My first theory about fashion: Did you ever hear about that research study suggesting that the better you look, the more people like you, trust you, and will treat you better. I truly believe that. I don’t necessarily agree with it but I believe it. Test it yourself. Remember the time when the woman in a designer suit, high heels, and perfect hair and makeup came up to you in a gas station parking lot and told you how she just ran out of gas and realized she left her wallet at home. She just needed a few dollars to get her home. You gave her a few dollars because she looked nice and you trusted that she was telling you the truth. Now remember the time when the guy in the ripped jeans, worn out t-shirt and dirty tennis shoes approached you outside your morning coffee shop. He was really down on his luck and his only request was a cup of joe. Did you give him the money? Probably not. You thought he was going to take that money and go score some drugs. Didn’t you? Well, it’s not a criticism. Even those of us with bleeding hearts have a cynical side. But the truth is, looks matter. Fashion matters. Whether it’s a job interview, first date, or a funeral, what you’re wearing tells a story about you, your values, and your life. Don’t you want your clothes to say what you really mean?