Stylish Valentine's Day Gifts

It's always a dilemma figuring out what to get your girlfriend for Valentine's Day. My girl and I usually don't exchange gifts because we believe in making every day Valentine's Day. OK, you can say it. PUL-EASE! Yeah that's really cheesy, but that's our motto. We are always doing sweet things for each other like writing notes or cards. Valentine's Day is just one of those commercialized holidays that ends up making those who aren't in relationships feel really bad.

If you are in a relationship and you do the gift thing for V-day or if you just want to get something for someone special, I have some ideas. First I will give you some style items since that's what this posting is supposed to be about. Then I will give you some ideas that won't cost you a dime (probably best in these economic times).

1. Cufflinks. I started getting my partner these as gifts and she loves them. It adds a touch of bling to any outfit. Cufflinks.com has an awesome selection. They even have cufflinks specific to V-day.

2. Ties. I love ties. I think they look hot on women. Skinny ties work best. If your girl is up for tying one on, then check out ties.com. I particularly like their new line from Ed Hardy, tattoo artist. If she has a sense of humor, you might like this one, called "Love Kills Slowly".

3. Jewelry: What woman doesn't like jewelry? Why not get her something really unique like a necklace from Pyrhha? My partner got me one of these necklaces for my 30th birthday and it is one my most favorite things that I own. They are made of wax seals and each seal has it's own symbolic meaning. Check out the love seals for a piece that she'll brag about to her friends.

4. Undies: If you're like me and you hate walking into a Victoria Secret, then check out American Apparel. I love their line of cotton spandex jersey boy briefs. Very sexy. Get your lady friend a pair of these and you'll be sure to enjoy a proper V-day.

Now for the free stuff. OK, it may not be completely free but it will cost you less.

1. Picnic: You're probably thinking, "Are you crazy? It's the middle of winter!" I'm not talking about a picnic outdoors, silly, but one right in your living room. All you need is a blanket, a bottle of wine, cheese, baguette, maybe some olives. Put on some French jazz music and you'll transport your sweetie to a lovely garden in Paris.

2. Scavenger Hunt: No these are not just for kids. It's actually a lot of fun. Write down some clues on small pieces of paper and hide them around your house. Make the clues pertain to her or the two of you, like, "Go to the place where we like to cuddle and watch movies". Have the last clue lead to something special like a card from you or even better, you!

3. Make something: Come on you creative souls out there. I know you have it in you. When you were a kid, didn't you make things at school, bring it home, and give it to your mom? I'm sure she treasured those things much more than when you bought her a gift from a store. Your partner will feel the same way. I love when mine makes me a card. It's from the heart and way better than anything Hallmark could think of.

Those are just a few ideas to get your wheels turning. I'm sure anything you do for that special person in your life will make her happy unless she's a narcissist and nothing makes her happy. Then you should dump her and find someone who appreciates your romantic side. Because, you know you will have found your soul mate when every day does feel like Valentine's Day.

Trucker Hats: Not just for truckers

Have you ever seen a cute dyke wearing a trucker hat? Of course you have. This is a style that has become very popular in the lesbian community. When I first met my partner four years ago, she was sporting a Nike trucker hat. I think my heart skipped a couple beats. There is just something about a girl in a trucker hat. So what is our obsession with these hats? Is it the vintage style? The catchy phrases on the front? Or is it because we want to announce that we're ready for the Uhaul and are just dressing the part?

I'm not really sure what the reason is but I do know this. Trucker hats should not be worn over the age of 30. The younger ladies can definitely pull off the look but those of us who have reached our third decade should put the trucker hats on the shelf for good. This most likely sounds ageist but it's true. It's like wearing a Hello Kitty necklace over 30. You just don't do it. Although, I'm probably a hypocrite because I secretly wish that my partner would break out her hat at times.

A couple that I found interesting and suitable for the Pride Parade this year.
Lesbian Pride Trucker Hat
Lesbian Fun Trucker Hat

Boots Gone Bad

There is yet another fashion craze that I am completely over. It is the skinny jeans with the boots. You know the look that I'm talking about. Every woman in America is trying to pull off this trend. Some women have the ability to, as Tim Gunn would say, "make it work". Did you hear me say, SOME women? Those women weigh 100 pounds and are 5 feet 10 inches tall. If you fall into this category, then by all means please feel free to wear your tightest Gap skinny jeans with your Steve Madden shit-kickers. Otherwise, please stop. Stop trying to squeeze yourself into jeans that make your legs look like bowling pins and then shove boots over your bowling pins to make you look like you're about to work in the stables. I admit that I have attempted this style once in my own home. It never went further than that because I realized how ridiculous I looked. The jeans can not be bunchy!

I digress. As I sit looking out my window at the cold winter day, I can only look forward to spring. The warm weather of spring which will force all of the skinny jeans and riding boots back into the closet never to be seen until fall. Hopefully by fall of '09, we will have some new fashion trends to look forward to and everyone will laugh when they reminiscence about the boots gone bad fad of '08.

My "FAVOR"ite Things

My fashion blog would be remiss if I did not write about one of my favorite jewelry designers. Her artworks have been the centerpieces for many of my outfits. The design name is called Hotcakes Design and the store, at least in San Francisco, is called Favor. I first saw the work of Caramia when she opened up Favor on a trendy street in Oakland. I was heart-broken when she moved the store to San Francisco. The necklaces, bracelets, and pins are one of a kind and very eye-catching. They are made of carved resin and sterling silver. I have 2 necklaces (one with a hummingbird and one with a picture of Frida Kahlo), each of which cost me about $100 but they have been worth every penny. I cannot wear them without receiving a multitude of compliments because they are just so unique. If the necklaces and bracelets are too girly for you, she also has cufflinks. My partner has been bugging me to get her a pair for awhile. Hotcakes Design can be found in stores across the country. See their website for locations. They will also ship any piece to you.

I found that wearing my necklace with a plain blouse, sweater, or tank top can really spice up the outfit. This leads me to my philosophy about fashion. The secret is accessories. The more accessories you have, the less clothes, particularly expensive clothes, you need. Yes I spent a benjamin on a necklace (don't judge) but I can wear it with many different things I already have in my closet. Maybe I’ll buy a $5 tank top to change things up. It’s much more cost effective and fashionable than buying 3 new shirts that wouldn’t really have the wow factor that wearing one of Caramia’s pieces would.

Express Yourself

So you've found your style, now can you express it? I realize that I have been blessed. I live in an area where my partner and I can dress any way we want and it's accepted or at least tolerated. My partner wears ties all the time and rarely gets a double take when we're in public. Once again, I realize I am lucky. Not everywhere in the country do lesbians feel safe enough to express their true selves. I began thinking about this in my own life.

My partner and I went back to the small town on the east coast where I grew up over the holidays. Prior to the trip, my partner asked me, "can I wear a tie there?". I was kind of surprised she asked this because she often wears ties. Why should it be any different there? Well, because it is different. We live primarily in a straight world. And most of this world likes to put us in nice neat little categories like man and woman. If people see something out of the ordinary for them like a woman wearing a tie, it confuses them. When people are confused, they feel stupid because they don't like not understanding things. When people feel stupid, they criticize because they can't stand feeling stupid. Instead of them feeling bad, they have to make you feel bad. Basically, it's not you, it's them. But it still doesn't feel pleasant when you believe that your style is not accepted because it doesn't fit into everyone else's categories. So what is a girl to do?

I advised my partner to wear the tie. She did. And it was fine. No stares, no snide comments. Maybe I underestimated the open mindedness of my small town. Maybe times are changing. Or maybe we just didn't run into all the town homophobes. Maybe people kept their comments to be said only behind closed doors. I probably will never know. But the optimist in me (maybe it's our new president's influence) believes that times are changing. And the more that we be ourselves, the more that people will get used to it. Remember the slogan coined by Jane Sheehan of Queer Nation, "we're here, we're queer, get used to it." Here's to hoping that in the near future, all women will be able to express their true style.

Got Glasses?

Have you seen the January cover of Vanity Fair magazine? Hot! Tina Fey is definitely one of my favorite lesbians. Oh wait, she not a lesbian?! So, why do us grrls love her so much, beside the obvious reasons? Well, I will tell you what first peaked my interest and sent my gaydar soaring. She's got the "gay glasses". You know which ones I mean. Eight years ago when I was coming out, these black plastic frame glasses were the sure fire way to pick out my "teammates" in the crowd. I even ditched my contacts and got a pair. I thought it would make me less attractive to men (cause ya know girls in glasses are never sexy..wink, wink) and help send out the bat signal to all the single ladies.

Well, the "gay glasses" are no longer just for us. Lots of straight celebrities like our girl Tina have been sporting the specs. The secret codes and stereotypes no longer stand. Without these codes,I think my gaydar is still good, almost too good (I think everyone is gay). But, some of my old tricks of the trade just don't work anymore. So what is a girl supposed to do? How are we supposed to tell if that cute librarian looking woman in the cubicle down the hall is on our team? I guess we're going to have to do something that we hate to do. We're actually going to have to walk up and talk to her! And yes, come out and ask her out!

I guess if that's too bold for you or you're married/partnered like me, then you can do what I'm doing...shopping for a new pair of hot designer glasses. I'm irked but also flattered by the fact the straight world wants to copy us. Regardless, I feel the need to start a new trend that makes the glasses cool and oh so lesbo again. The key is color. My favorite happens to be blue. A couple specs I'm considering:
Christian Dior
Vivienne Westwood
Check out alldesignerglasses.com for more ideas.

Straight Girls Are Funny

Last night I went to a birthday dinner for one of my good friends who happens to be straight. Her attire preparations for this dinner were weeks in the making. She originally wanted to wear a cute, flowy, magenta, cobalt blue, and black Betsey Johnson dress. A few days prior to the event, she emailed me and said she thought that dress wasn't flirty and sexy enough because it wasn't above knee length and had no plunging neckline. I recommended sticking with that dress since I'm all for being sexy not slutty. Well she decided not to listen to me and bought a new shorter bustier version of the old dress. The day before her birthday bash, she got a tip from another friend (also straight) that she should get her makeup professionally done. She also wanted my opinion on this. Well I don't know any dyke who has ever had her makeup professionally done for a birthday party or at all for that matter. I didn't even have mine done for my wedding! But, as a good friend, I told her to do it if it would make her feel better.

Finally, when I arrived at her house, I have to say she looked amazing. But then again, I think she looks cute without the fake eyelashes, heavy makeup, and falsie enhanced cleavage. She even went temporarily blind for the evening because she didn't want to wear her glasses! I began thinking about all these crazy things that women do to supposedly increase their odds of getting noticed. I thought for a minute that it was just a straight girl thing but maybe not. Yes, the heteros may take first place in this competition. But we aren't that innocent either in our attempts to transform ourselves into what we think others are looking for. The problem happens when the lashes come off, the glasses go back on, and the C cup turns to A. Aren't we looking for the person who is going to love us in that version of ourselves? I knew I had the girl of my dreams when she thought I looked sexy in my Yankees baseball cap and softball uniform. So when you're in search of Ms. Right, it's OK to make an effort to look good but don't do it at the expense of losing who you really are. She doesn't want to have to peel off the layers to find the real you.

Dressing for Every Occasion

The other night my wife and I decided to host “game night” at our house. What lesbian isn’t up for a little friendly competition? So, I, my wife, and several of our queer friends got together for beers and Balderdash. When I was deciding what to wear for the event, I realized I had the perfect outfit. My friends arrived and apparently were not surprised to see what I was wearing. They know I am both stylish and fiercely competitive. I had put on a green Nike t-shirt with rainbow writing that said, “Consider your butt already kicked”. I paired this with brown corduroys, a pink zip-up sweatshirt and pink Kangaroos sneakers.

I then began thinking about how much fun and easy it is to dress for every occasion. A shirt that I would typically have worn to the gym or softball practice transformed into the centerpiece of my game night ensemble. The main idea is to think outside the box or rather, your closet. No matter where you are going or what you are doing, picking out your outfit should be fun, not dreadful. Follow these simple tips:

1. Think about the occasion and what impression you want to make. Do you want to be the center of attention? Clearly I did. It was my house, I was the host, and I wanted to win! If you do too, then don’t be afraid to go for something more daring. If you want to blend in with the crowd, you can still follow rules 2 & 3.

2. Choose one stand-out piece to base your outfit on. It could be a pair of lime green patent leather flats, a big chunky necklace, or a skull and cross bones tie.

3. Then move on to choose more subtle pieces to pair with it such as a pair of jeans, plain white collared shirt, or a pair of black converse sneakers.

Pulling it all together will help you to look put together rather than over done or worst of all under done. And it makes fashion fun!

Lesbian Style

Yes, I know. I promised in my last blog to write about spring foot fashion. However, as you will soon observe, I am a Gemini and Geminis change their minds often. Get used to it. I will write about spring footwear at a later time when I actually find something worthy of writing about. I can't bring myself to blog about the ungodly Gladiator sandals that are sure to be popular again this season.

I was at a fundraiser this weekend at a lesbian bar which prompted this commentary. I observed why lesbians are constantly getting a bad rap when it comes to fashion. I don’t think it’s that we are particularly bad at picking out clothes or that we really think wearing baseball caps with down ski vests is going to get us noticed. It’s just that many of us have not yet found our own personal style. Now I’m all about wearing whatever makes you feel most comfortable and confident. But don’t you also want to impress the cute girl sitting at the other end of the bar? I believe that if you find your personal style, you will feel comfortable and confident but won’t necessarily have to put on your old sneakers to do so.

So how do you find your personal style you ask? You try different styles out! When I was first coming out, I thought that being a lesbian meant that you had to dress “butch”. So I locked away my pencil skirts, high heels, and opted for bowling shoes and baggy pants. I thought I looked like a lesbian but did not feel confident that I would meet a hot butch woman with those clothes on. After some time of trying different styles, I went back to my femme ways and realized that I felt great. And I was getting the attention from the ladies that I wanted. The bottom line is everyone has a personal style. You just have to find it. Don’t wear what every other woman is wearing just to fit in. Be daring. Try on those skirts, pantsuits, heels, ties, whatever! Then go test it out. You’ll know you’ve found your style when you feel like a million bucks AND that hottie at the end of the bar gives you her number.

Traveling in Style

Wanna see some badly dressed people? Go to an airport. Airports are notorious for showcasing the many styles, albeit bad styles, of the people who travel the world. I recently noticed this phenomenon while traveling "back east" (I now use this west coast resident terminology) to visit my family for the holidays. I always enjoyed people watching in airports as you could see just about anything from a celebrity to a chihuahua to a celebrity with a chihuahua. But this time around I was focused on the clothes, the style.

I admit that I am not the most fashionable traveler. I admire those who can put on their stilettos and tight jeans to fly across the country. I usually opt for my comfy sweatpants and sweatshirt. The airport phenomenon that bugged me the most this holiday season was seeing women wearing Uggs or Uggs like boots. I am totally over this fad but apparently the rest of the world is not. I saw Uggs with jeans, sweatpants, skirts, pants tucked into Uggs, pants over the Uggs, brown Uggs, black Uggs, pink Uggs, and Uggs with fur trim. Because of my observations, I am now making this public service announcement.

There is only one instance from this point in time forward that you should wear a pair of Uggs or Ugg like boots. The instance I am referring to is when you are in the middle of a snowstorm and need to trek through the snow from your house to your mailbox to get your mail. You should not wear Uggs to the grocery store with a mini skirt. How much snow will you encounter in the produce isle? You should not wear your sweatpants tucked into your Uggs on the way to the gym. Do your toes really need to be that warm prior to working out? Basically, you should never wear Uggs again outside of your home or yard. This may sound harsh but the trend is over. It's done. Let's move on..to what you may ask? Find out in my next posting about what I love for spring foot fashion.