Drag Queens: Hot or Not?

I know that I have not written a post in awhile but I'm going to just pretend that no one noticed and move on. I was at a queer bar this past weekend to see some friends perform in a drag queen show. The show was fun and fabulous. I love how drag queens take femininity to the extreme. Hyper feminine is the best way to describe them. They've got the long, hair spray soaked locks (aka wig), the fake french manicured nails, the gobs of makeup topped off by perfectly curled fake eyelashes, and of course the skimpiest of dresses and sky high heels. One actual woman (straight or gay) would never be able to pull off several of those things together let alone all of them.

I began thinking about our fascination with drag queens after one of my friends who is a lesbian said to me this about one of the drag queens at the show, "she's hotter than a lot of women that I've known". Well, my first tidbit of advice to anyone with the urge to blurt out a statement like this is to make sure that your new girlfriend is not sitting anywhere within earshot. My friend's was and didn't seem to appreciate what she thought was a comparison of her hotness to the hotness of the drag queen. Although lesbians are stereotypically a self-deprecating, jealous bunch, I can see how her girlfriend may have taken offense. What was it that my friend seemed to find so hot or beautiful about the drag queen? Her girlfriend had none of the characteristics of the drag queen other than that she leaned more toward the femme side of the scale. Would she think her girlfriend was hotter if she wore fishnets, clear plastic six inch heels, and tons of metallic eyeshadow? I don't really know. What I do know is that society likes hyper femme women. They are seen as the epitome of beauty. Otherwise drag queens wouldn't impersonate them.

I don't think that in order to be feminine or feel feminine that you need to transform yourself with makeup, tight clothes, and long hair. I feel feminine every day without all of those things but I'm sure many ladies and gents (aside from my lovely wife of course) would not say that I'm more beautiful than a drag queen and all the other hyper femme women out there. However, I'm sure if my friend rethought her statement, she would realize that although she thinks the look of a drag queen is beautiful, she probably would never want to date one.

The Family that Shops Together Stays Together

I keep vowing not to be so dramatic but I really can't help it. It's in my genes. I come from a family of histrionics. We are all vying for the Oscar for most dramatic actor. Over the years I've tried to remove myself from the drama as much as possible hence living on the opposite side of the country from my family. However, I'm beginning to think that maybe I'm the drama or cause of it. After all, I just had to be "different". By different, I mean gay. I always have to be the best dressed person in the room even if it means upstaging the guest of honor at a party. And I always know what's best which means I'm always right. Maybe my family isn't that crazy. Maybe I'm the crazy one.

I'll probably never really know the answer to that question, however I do know this. Growing up in an unstable household, and by unstable I mean, divorced parents/step-family situation, clothes were always my savior. And they still are. Some of my favorite memories of my childhood are of my mom, grandma, sister and I going school clothes shopping at our favorite department store, Hess's. Hess's was a local icon of a store in Allentown, PA. It was a special time that us girls shared together, laughing, talking, and bonding over clothes. All the drama was forgotten as we played fashionistas for a day. Even though my grandma has since passed and Hess's closed in 1994, my mom, sister, and I still shop together. It amazes me that whatever craziness is going on in our lives, we're able to put it on hold to enjoy a few hours picking out clothes, shoes, and accessories with one another. That's why clothes have been and still are such a big part of my life. And now that my sister is about to give birth to her first child, I'm hoping for a girl or maybe a little gay boy so that we can continue with our tradition.

Fabulous Flying Friday

So I didn't win the $92 million jackpot. Big surprise, right? I guess I'll just have to keep dreaming. For now, I'm going to enjoy what I've got. I'm about to get on a plane tonight for a trip across the country. I always get somewhat nostalgic right before I'm about to fly. Since I love to catastrophize things, I always think the plane is going to crash every time I fly. So I begin to think about the reality of my own mortality.

You're probably wondering where I'm going with all of this since this is supposed to be a blog about fashion and style. I know I can be morbid at times. I am very comfortable with death since I've worked in hospitals for almost 10 years. Nonetheless, I know that if my plane should crash, I will be remembered by my family and friends for lots of things. What is the one thing that would stand out the most? My great social work skills and all the people I helped? My quirky ways? No, probably not. It will be my fashion sense! My family and friends always come to me for fashion advice. I think they sometimes channel me when they have tough decisions about what to wear. And I love it. The narcissist in me loves the fact that I will be remembered every time they open up their closet doors and can't decide what to wear. So who ever said fashion is is frivilous, superficial, and not important, they are full of it! It is who I am. That being said, I'm sure that the flight will go smoothly and I'll be helping my sister pick out what to wear to her baby shower in no time.

Million Dollar Shopper

Today could be my lucky day. Or it could be like every other day. I'll find out at 8pm tonight when the winner of the CA Mega Million lotto is announced. I'm going to buy a lottery ticket. I never buy lotto tickets but a chance at $92 million is worth my dollar today.

I think the best part about buying a lotto ticket is daydreaming about what you would do with the money. Well, actually the best part would be if you won the money but since the odds of that are like 1 in 175 million, I'll settle for daydreaming. Of course, I would give money to my family. Travel. Buy a house. Then I would shop 'til I dropped for clothes, shoes, and bags. (Don't start getting all judgy, I would give some cash to charities too)

There is the one website that I've been dying to try called Bag, Borrow, or Steal. On this site you can rent designer handbags for a monthly price. This is one of those things that, if I had the money, I would do it. It is like Netflix but instead of movies, it's purses. Even if I had $92 million, I would do this rather than spending a thousand dollars on one bag that I'd use for a month and then want to get rid of for a new one. They carry lots of bags from my two favorite designers, Gucci and Chanel. I found one Gucci bag that I love. The retail price is $1500 but at Bag, Borrow, or Steal, I could rent it for $275/month. Ok, you may be thinking that's still outrageous for a bag. But, that's why I haven't done it yet and am waiting for my millions to indulge.

Fabulous Friday

My wonderful stylish friends are constantly inspiring my fashion sense and blog postings. My partner never ceases to amaze me with the creative outfits she puts together each day. I have several good friends who have imaginative styles. And I find that many of my friends trust my fashion advice. Today I am returning the favor and trusting the advice of my friends and celebrating their fashion forwardness.

One of my good friends recently told me about a brand of flip-flops that she found at our local drug store, Longs, called Okabashi. I decided to check them out for myself at Longs and online. They have several different styles; slides, thongs, and even heels. You've probably seen the cross-strap style before. I picture little old ladies wearing them with socks. However, the slides and thongs are great and appear very comfortable. They come in multiple colors and are quite inexpensive at $13.99/pair. The best part about these flip-flops are that they are American made and environmentally friendly. Each shoe is completely recyclable and when you don't want your shoes anymore, you can send them back to the company to be ground and made into new shoes. Since I usually opt for style over comfort when it comes to shoes, my feet would like to thank my friend for introducing me to this brand that does not compromise style for comfort.

Jean Shopping: Not just for those with good genes

There's just something about jean shopping that is very therapeutic. You're probably thinking I must have had a psychotic break. However, even though I hate trying on millions of pairs of jeans to find the perfect fit, when I do, it's like, Nirvana! It's a total rush when your butt looks great, your muffin top is covered up, and your legs don't look like bowling pins. It is so satisfying to find a pair that fits everywhere. Even when you think you're a size four and then all of a sudden you can't even zip up the four. You have to admit defeat and realize you're a six. It is a very humbling experience, but if you can suck it up and get through it, it's well worth it.

I have said many times before that you need to get real with yourself when you shop. Yes I know some people are calling me certain expletives that start with a B right now as I should not be complaining about wearing a size six. I am not complaining at all. I know that I am very blessed with good genes from my parents. However, no matter what size you are, shopping for jeans could blow your self-esteem. For me, I don't care about the number, I go with what fits best. I used to go with what fits OK and costs the least but that has changed. After a few wears, I hated those jeans and never wanted to wear them again. Total waste of money. Now, I spend the extra money on what fits best because I know that I will wear them often and keep them longer.

That being said, I found a great pair of jeans yesterday at Express. I got a coupon in the mail for $20 off a $60 purchase. After trying on what seemed like hundreds of jeans (thank God the store was empty and the nice sales lady kept bringing me sizes), I found THE pair. They are dark blue, trouser style, with tab front. Since I'm tall, they may be a bit short to wear with heels but they will be perfect for flats. And to top it off, they were $70 and I got them for $50 with my coupon. I think it was a great deal and I will get many wears out of them. If you are in the market for new jeans and you've got the money, shop now. Watch your mail for coupons and then hit the sales.

Fabulous Friday

Spring time is officially here and for me, that means the beginning of softball season. The competitiveness, women in shorts getting dirty and sweaty. It's heaven for any lesbian. That's how my girl won my heart. I used to refer to her among my friends as the "hot shortstop". But now that I am happily married, I'm not looking so much at the other players in our rec softball league. However, I can't help but notice the fashion. You may be thinking, "but you're wearing uniforms." Yes, we're all wearing the same shirts but there are many ways to accessorize to make yourself stand out among the crowd.

First, start with your head. You could go with a cute baseball cap or visor. This is definitely a conversation starter if you're wearing a hat with a team or school logo. Or you could go with the standard lesbian bandanna if you're trying to display that tough girl persona. Or how about the retro sweatband? Another accessory to consider is the sunglasses. You could sport the aviators if you want to look cool and like you're not trying too hard. Bolle or Oakley are good options if you want to let everyone know you're a serious competitor. Don't forget to add a sweatband for your wrist and a pair of softball socks. This will really finish the outfit and help you get to second base with that hot left fielder on your team.

Fashion Do or Don't

Before I open my big fat mouth, I must say, I did my research. It's a good thing too or I would have sounded like an even bigger idiot. That being said, here's what I was going to write about.

Someone I work with recently came up to me and said, "don't you just love this blazer I'm wearing?" It was a nice blazer so I said, "yes, where did you get it?" She then proceeded to tell me how she bought it for $10 at this place called Image for Success. For those of you who are not familiar with this local organization, it is similar to the national non-profit called Dress for Success. Dress for Success provides professional attire, a network of support, and career development tools to disenfranchised women. Image for Success is a bit different in that they only provide the clothes. Basically they provide clothes to women and men who are working towards self-reliance. I think they are both great organizations however I was a bit confused as to why this co-worker was obtaining clothes from them. She did not appear "disenfranchised". She already has a presumably well-paying job. She then told me that she likes shopping at the Image for Success store because they have really nice work clothes at inexpensive prices.

I was immediately appalled. I had nothing further to say. This woman can clearly afford to buy clothes at places other than second-hand stores. But that's not what was shocking to me. I really don't care if she shops at second-hand stores. I actually encourage it. But this store provides clothes to women who really need it for interviews, etc. And now you're taking away their good clothes because you can afford to?

This is where my research enters the picture and I have to eat my words, somewhat. I looked up the Image for Success website to find out more about their retail store. The website says that the retail store provides them "with a revenue stream directly applied to their operational overhead while making affordable, quality clothes available to their clients and the general public". OK, fine. The clothes are available to the general public and help to support the cause. Maybe I was wrong to criticize. Or was I? I'm still conflicted. I just keep picturing the young single mom who is job hunting and needs a nice blazer to wear for her upcoming interview. Maybe she will find one there or maybe she won't because all of the cheap ass but rich women have bought up all the clothes because they wouldn't be caught dead in a Good Will. Here's my final stance. If you want to support the cause, donate your $10 and leave the blazer for someone who really needs it.

Fabulous Friday

One of my good (straight) friends went to a birthday party last weekend for her older lesbian friend. When I say older, I mean, like 70's. Prior to the party, she consulted with me regarding what to wear. I was honored that she sought my advice. Although, if there are two things that I know, it's fashion and lesbians.

My advice to her was to dress casually-jeans, plain shirt, and simple necklace. My rationale behind my recommendation was that, one, the party was for someone old and two, she's a lesbian. It is rare that you would attend a birthday party for a lesbian whether young or old where something dressier than jeans is required. And it turns out that I was right. My friend said that she was a bit over dressed even wearing her nicest jeans.

This made me think again about the stereotype of lesbians as bad dressers. I am doing my damnedest to break this stereotype. However, I am at the same time guilty of stereotyping. Hence the fashion advice given to my friend going to the lesbian shindig. In light of my new found optimism, I am vowing to change my ways. I will assume that all lesbians are savvy dressers until proven wrong. I will make it my mission to showcase lesbians as being stylish. Maybe then my fantasy of my 80th birthday celebration will come true. Fast forward 50 years. All of the invitees will converse prior to the event about what to wear. They will all know that the most stylish attire is required because it is a lesbian birthday party they are going to.

Results from Friday

The results are in. (Drum roll sounding in the background) I did not get canned on Friday. And I have to take the next moment to publicly say that sometimes it's better to be an optimist and my friend/co-worker was right. There, now that I said that, here's what happened.

On Friday morning, my pessimistic side got the best of me and I wore the "I'm going to get fired outfit". Although, if I must say so myself, I totally rocked the turquoise jacket. And much to my surprise, myself and my co-worker were honored at a managers' meeting for being the awesome social workers that we are. It was a very surprising, humbling moment. I was thrilled that I wasn't getting fired but disappointed that I had wasted so much time and energy stressing about it that I wasn't able to fully enjoy what had just happened. This experience has again emphasized to me that you can't live life in a plastic bubble, trying to protect yourself from the worst happening by always planning for it. Even if you think you're prepared, it's still gonna hurt the same amount if the worst happens.

On a lighter note, I got many compliments on my outfit so I'm going to conclude that it wasn't too flashy and appropriate for the occasion. I think it's good for people to see that social workers got style too!

Maybe Fabulous Friday

First, I would like to apologize for not writing anything since last week. Sometimes life just takes over and you have to focus on things that may not be fun but necessary. This brings me to tomorrow. It's not just Friday. It could also be the last day of my current employment. The pessimist in me says I'm getting fired. I may be catastrophizing the situation just a bit. My partner and my co-worker/good friend think I'm being dramatic. However, my boss said she needs me to go to a "meeting" with her tomorrow morning but is not telling me what kind of meeting. She is being very vague and, shall I say, weird about it. I'm very suspicious. My co-worker, who has also been mandated to the meeting, is much more of an optimist. She keeps telling me that it is a meeting to honor our achievements and present us with roses and candy. Either way, it begs the question as to what I shall wear. What do you wear when you know you're getting canned? What do you wear when you know you're getting some kind of acknowledgment but not supposed to know about it?

If I'm getting fired, I decided I want to look very professional and assertive. This will make them realize that they've made a huge mistake by getting rid of someone so competent and capable. So how do I accomplish this? I would wear my black dress trousers, black or gray camisole, and turquoise silk knee length jacket. Then I will top it off with black heels and minimal accessories. The jacket is killer and will definitely make them remember who they just let walk out the door.

If I'm getting some kind of award or being recognized for my contributions to the company, I will probably go for something much less flashy. I don't want them to think I'm cocky or that I'm assuming they're going to honor me. I'll still wear the black pants but instead go with a bright, short sleeve, pink button-down collared shirt. I will finish that off with the black Steve Madden heels and a pink beaded necklace.

So, which outfit will I wear? Will the pessimist or optimist in me win? Stay tuned to find out.

Fabulous Friday

I know what you're thinking, you chose Katie Holmes as your pick for Fabulous Friday? Yes, I did. And I'm prepared to defend my choice. I used to find Katie Holmes very annoying. I cringed every time I saw the standard pout that she put on for photos. It always looked like she was trying too hard to look sexy or cute. And don't even get me started about her choice in husbands, her constant state of happiness, and so-called perfect heterosexual, Scientology loving lifestyle. I really have to use my social worker skills to look past all of these qualities and find the real beauty in this woman.

So you're asking, "what changed"? It was Posh Spice. When Katie became friends with Victoria, she transformed into this more striking, stylish, edgy version of herself. VB definitely helped to step up her style factor. The recent photos of her in Glamour magazine were "fabulous". I actually found myself wanting to copy her hair and makeup. Could this be true? Katie wants to be Posh Spice and I want to be Joey Potter from Dawson's Creek? Well, no not really. I just want the top designer clothes that she's been sporting. And if I may go so far to say, it's inspiring to see a young woman about my age transform from girl-next-door to chic. There's still hope for me! Now, if only I had Katie's clothing allowance to fund my new look.

Style Stimulus Package for Lesbians

Yeah, the economy continues to tank and us girls have no extra money to spend on ourselves. Ah, if only Obama would have listened to me and included a clothes and shoes stipend in the stimulus bill. It would have put money back into the economy while making us happier and more stylish! I don't know about you, but new stuff makes me happy. It seems like I'm not the only one. Our entire culture is all about having the latest and greatest "stuff". We tend to buy things to make us feel better about ourselves. It's probably one of the reasons why our economy is in the dumps.

For example, I used to be an emotional shopper. Shopped when I was sad. Shopped when I was mad. It seemed to make me feel better until I got that credit card bill in the mail that I couldn't afford to pay. After finally getting out of credit card debt, I learned my lesson. Now, I'm a guilty shopper. "Oh, I can't afford that. I don't need that." If only someone would give me a $1,000 just to have fun, guilt-free shopping. Well since that's not going to happen any time soon, I've come up with a solution that will help me satisfy my need to shop and help the economy without breaking the bank.

Shop at Goodwill. Many people are not aware of the greatness of Goodwill. They think it's that place where you take all of the stuff you'll never wear again but would never actually buy anything there. I particularly like Goodwill because you get two-fold results from spending your hard earned money there. One, you get some nice clothes for yourself. Two, Goodwill provides education, training, and career services for people with disadvantages. According to their website, last year "local Goodwills collectively provided employment and training services to more than 1.1 million individuals". Sounds like an organization that everyone would want to support at a time like this.

There are so many good finds and deals at Goodwills too. I love going to Goodwills in cities other than where I live. They're perfect for finding t-shirts and sweatshirts that have local logos. They've also got those retro styles that we're so fond of. It's great for those of us who want to look fashionable but not like we tried too hard to look that way. You can even make it a challenge between you and your partner or friends to see who can come up with the best outfit for the least amount of cash. That's if you're competitive like me. So come on ladies, grab your girl and get to a Goodwill.

Fabulous Rainy Friday

For those of us who live in Northern California, we know that the rainy season could take up half the year. Yes, we are spoiled because we don't have to deal with the cold and snow that some more eastern states experience. Nonetheless, the rain can become, let's say, annoying at it's best. I acknowledge the rain is much needed. However, it can put a damper on your wardrobe. I have to wear closed-toe shoes again? I have to wear my same old raincoat again? How boring!

Well, this Friday I'm looking on the not-so-rainy side of things. I'm going to embrace the rain and celebrate the wonderful styles we get to adorn because of it. This means rubber boots! I recently got an e-mail from one of my favorite shoe stores, DSW with their latest "spring" styles of boots. Again,those of us in the Northwest will break these in way before springtime. There are various colors and patterns that would add the finishing touch to any outfit. And if you don't want to wear big old galoshes at work, you can bring your cute non water resistant shoes with you. Try it out to make those rainy days a little more fun and fashionable.

Fabulous Friday

This week I decided to go with an eco-friendly fabulous Friday in honor of my partner who has made me the earth-loving person I am today. There are so many green products in the style sphere worthy of mention but I will mention two of my favorite today. These items are related and I'm sure either one would be a great gift for yourself or your not-so-femme girlfriend.

I received a Harvey's Seatbelt Bag as a gift from my co-workers when I left my last job. The entire bag is made of seat belts. It is extremely durable as you would think it should be since seat belts are made to hold lots more than your cherry chap stick. I have not been able to find out if the seat belts they use are recycled or not. I think they are most likely not since they come in floral patterns and non car interior colors like purple. This makes them less eco-friendly but it is definitely a very versatile bag that could last for many years.

The other item I will mention for this fabulous Friday is a Duct Tape Wallet. My partner got one of these for Christmas from my sister. She absolutely loves it. It's very tough and looks cool. Both the Seat belt Bag and Duct Tape Wallet are definite conversation pieces. I receive so many compliments from complete strangers. OK, so the Duct Tape Wallet probably is not really considered a green item either. It just seems like it should be since it's made of something that has many uses. Obviously I have lots more to learn from my partner!

Aloha Style

OK, I know that I've been absent for awhile but it is with good reason. I was on my very long overdue honeymoon with my wife of five months. It was a fabulous adventurous, romantic, relaxing Hawaiian vacation. I am still in my Hawaiian frame of mind therefore it is really difficult for me to think of any fashion topic that I actually feel like writing about. You see, I was on the island of Kauai. The people of Kauai are very laid back and don't seem to care much about anything those of us who live on the mainland care about let alone fashion. The extent of their wardrobe is t-shirts, shorts, and flip-flops. They are much more concerned about how many rainbows, whales, and sea turtles they saw that day or how many roosters they avoided hitting while driving on their two lane road around the island.

While we were there, I completely embraced this lifestyle. I thoroughly enjoyed not wearing make-up, not having to decide what accessories to wear with each outfit, not caring if I was wearing the perfect shoes, and not worrying about how I looked in general. I basically wore one pair of black flip-flops every day with every outfit except for my ugly Teva-like sandals that I wore to zipline, hike, and kayak. This experience got me thinking about fashion and I realized something that I already knew deep down inside; fashion is not THAT important in the grand scheme of things. This does not mean that I'm not going to write about fashion, think about fashion, or change my style in anyway. But I am aware that there are more important things in life. Anytime you need a reality check, go to Kauai. Seeing a rainbow everyday may be all you need. Mahalo.

Fabulous Fridays

To celebrate the start of the weekend, I am enacting a new segment called Fabulous Fridays. The Fabulous Friday or FF posting as I am calling it (you can substitute whatever F words you like), will be a fashion tip, hot celebrity style, or shopping recommendation to kick off your weekend.

Since this is the inaugural post, it had to be fabulous of course. I love this photo for two reasons. One, Uma Thurman looks hot. Two, it coincides with my fashion tip of the week. You have got to own at least one fabulous bag. Yes, I'm a girly girl. I like purses and handbags and I like to match them with my outfits. I love the classics like Gucci, Louis Vuitton, and Chanel. These designer bags go with just about any outfit from a cocktail dress to sweats. But if you don't have two grand to drop on a purse or if you're not really a purse-carrying kind of gal, there is still hope for you.

Finding the right bag is again like finding your own style. My girl wouldn't be caught dead toting my hot pink faux crocodile clutch. Nor would I be seen hanging with my girlfriends sporting her black messenger bag. So first you must figure out your style and what particular look you're going for. Then pick a bag that compliments your style. You may not think having a hot bag is essential to your look. I disagree. It completes any outfit by providing the finishing touch.

If you're really just not into bags, then go for a fabulous wallet. I guarantee when you pull it out for the first time to pay for your new girl's dinner, she'll notice. It will make her realize that you consider the details and you've got good taste.

Shoes: Part Deux

If you read my last post, you already know that I recently blew 40 bucks on a pair of not-so-pretty shoes. This is a big pet peeve of mine. I hate spending money on things that I don't really love. This may be a shock to you. You may have thought that I just frivolously spend my paychecks on various shoes, bags, and clothes. Sorry to disappoint you, but I truly am a horrible shopper. I love window shopping but it takes me forever to actually choose something worthy enough of my hard earned money to buy. My partner gets extremely frustrated when we shop together. She's constantly trying to talk me into buying various items of clothing and even shoes. But since I don't shop very often, I want the item that I'm buying to be something that I will love and wear often.

I have been checking out the spring shoe trends to find a new pair that I'm willing to drop some dough on. I really can't stand the Gladiator sandals as I've stated previously. I do like the colorful shoes that are going to be popular this spring. I find that bright colored shoes can really "make" an outfit. DSW and Aldo are two of my favorite places to buy shoes. DSW has good deals on quality name brand shoes. I like the royal blue Converse sneakers. They're very versatile and can be worn with jeans, shorts, or even skirts. If you really do like the Gladiator look, check out Aldo. I found a version of the Gladiator sandal that I actually like. Aldo tends to be a bit pricier but they have hot shoes. This leather pump will be perfect to wear with the neutral clothing styles that will be popular this spring. Well, all of this research has sparked the shopping bug in me. Where's my credit card?

Shoes, shoes, and more shoes

I gotta tell ya. I love shoes. Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I love shoes. Sneakers, sandals, flats, heels, flip-flops. I love them all. I would have many more pairs of shoes than I already have if my partner would just give up her half of the closet for my prized possessions. Since I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon, I'm going to have to settle for my current set-up. I'm only allowed to have as many shoes that will fit in my closet. I am forced to get rid of older shoes to fit new ones. This also prevents me from constantly buying shoes since there are many older shoes that I want to keep. It is actually a pretty good system for a compulsive shoe buyer like myself.

The point when this system breaks down is when I have to buy shoes that I don't really want. Yes, there is such a phenomenon. For example, my partner and I are going to Hawaii. All of the tour books recommend wearing some sort of sandals with traction. You know what type of sandals I'm referring to because many lesbians own them. They're called Tevas. Now I have never owned a pair and I never thought I would ever own a pair because they are just plain ugly. But when I rationally thought about hiking, kayaking, and zip-lining in my cute little black flip-flops, I realized there wasn't an option. I had to actually buy a comfortable, although hideous pair of shoes. I searched one of my favorite places to buy shoes, Zappos.com and found the best of the worst sandals. At least they have some pink in them.

When my sandals arrived, I tried them on and it was exactly as I had imagined. They made my already size 9 feet look like two skis wearing surgical boots. And I had to give up space in my closet for these? At that point I made a decision. There was no way that any of my beautiful Aldo heels or Steve Madden flats were going to give up their home for these monsters. So, they will just have to sit on top of another pair of shoes. Although, this set a very dangerous precedence. I can actually buy more shoes and build layers of shoes in my closet. I can't wait to start my spring shoe shopping!

Stylish Valentine's Day Gifts

It's always a dilemma figuring out what to get your girlfriend for Valentine's Day. My girl and I usually don't exchange gifts because we believe in making every day Valentine's Day. OK, you can say it. PUL-EASE! Yeah that's really cheesy, but that's our motto. We are always doing sweet things for each other like writing notes or cards. Valentine's Day is just one of those commercialized holidays that ends up making those who aren't in relationships feel really bad.

If you are in a relationship and you do the gift thing for V-day or if you just want to get something for someone special, I have some ideas. First I will give you some style items since that's what this posting is supposed to be about. Then I will give you some ideas that won't cost you a dime (probably best in these economic times).

1. Cufflinks. I started getting my partner these as gifts and she loves them. It adds a touch of bling to any outfit. Cufflinks.com has an awesome selection. They even have cufflinks specific to V-day.

2. Ties. I love ties. I think they look hot on women. Skinny ties work best. If your girl is up for tying one on, then check out ties.com. I particularly like their new line from Ed Hardy, tattoo artist. If she has a sense of humor, you might like this one, called "Love Kills Slowly".

3. Jewelry: What woman doesn't like jewelry? Why not get her something really unique like a necklace from Pyrhha? My partner got me one of these necklaces for my 30th birthday and it is one my most favorite things that I own. They are made of wax seals and each seal has it's own symbolic meaning. Check out the love seals for a piece that she'll brag about to her friends.

4. Undies: If you're like me and you hate walking into a Victoria Secret, then check out American Apparel. I love their line of cotton spandex jersey boy briefs. Very sexy. Get your lady friend a pair of these and you'll be sure to enjoy a proper V-day.

Now for the free stuff. OK, it may not be completely free but it will cost you less.

1. Picnic: You're probably thinking, "Are you crazy? It's the middle of winter!" I'm not talking about a picnic outdoors, silly, but one right in your living room. All you need is a blanket, a bottle of wine, cheese, baguette, maybe some olives. Put on some French jazz music and you'll transport your sweetie to a lovely garden in Paris.

2. Scavenger Hunt: No these are not just for kids. It's actually a lot of fun. Write down some clues on small pieces of paper and hide them around your house. Make the clues pertain to her or the two of you, like, "Go to the place where we like to cuddle and watch movies". Have the last clue lead to something special like a card from you or even better, you!

3. Make something: Come on you creative souls out there. I know you have it in you. When you were a kid, didn't you make things at school, bring it home, and give it to your mom? I'm sure she treasured those things much more than when you bought her a gift from a store. Your partner will feel the same way. I love when mine makes me a card. It's from the heart and way better than anything Hallmark could think of.

Those are just a few ideas to get your wheels turning. I'm sure anything you do for that special person in your life will make her happy unless she's a narcissist and nothing makes her happy. Then you should dump her and find someone who appreciates your romantic side. Because, you know you will have found your soul mate when every day does feel like Valentine's Day.

Trucker Hats: Not just for truckers

Have you ever seen a cute dyke wearing a trucker hat? Of course you have. This is a style that has become very popular in the lesbian community. When I first met my partner four years ago, she was sporting a Nike trucker hat. I think my heart skipped a couple beats. There is just something about a girl in a trucker hat. So what is our obsession with these hats? Is it the vintage style? The catchy phrases on the front? Or is it because we want to announce that we're ready for the Uhaul and are just dressing the part?

I'm not really sure what the reason is but I do know this. Trucker hats should not be worn over the age of 30. The younger ladies can definitely pull off the look but those of us who have reached our third decade should put the trucker hats on the shelf for good. This most likely sounds ageist but it's true. It's like wearing a Hello Kitty necklace over 30. You just don't do it. Although, I'm probably a hypocrite because I secretly wish that my partner would break out her hat at times.

A couple that I found interesting and suitable for the Pride Parade this year.
Lesbian Pride Trucker Hat
Lesbian Fun Trucker Hat

Boots Gone Bad

There is yet another fashion craze that I am completely over. It is the skinny jeans with the boots. You know the look that I'm talking about. Every woman in America is trying to pull off this trend. Some women have the ability to, as Tim Gunn would say, "make it work". Did you hear me say, SOME women? Those women weigh 100 pounds and are 5 feet 10 inches tall. If you fall into this category, then by all means please feel free to wear your tightest Gap skinny jeans with your Steve Madden shit-kickers. Otherwise, please stop. Stop trying to squeeze yourself into jeans that make your legs look like bowling pins and then shove boots over your bowling pins to make you look like you're about to work in the stables. I admit that I have attempted this style once in my own home. It never went further than that because I realized how ridiculous I looked. The jeans can not be bunchy!

I digress. As I sit looking out my window at the cold winter day, I can only look forward to spring. The warm weather of spring which will force all of the skinny jeans and riding boots back into the closet never to be seen until fall. Hopefully by fall of '09, we will have some new fashion trends to look forward to and everyone will laugh when they reminiscence about the boots gone bad fad of '08.

My "FAVOR"ite Things

My fashion blog would be remiss if I did not write about one of my favorite jewelry designers. Her artworks have been the centerpieces for many of my outfits. The design name is called Hotcakes Design and the store, at least in San Francisco, is called Favor. I first saw the work of Caramia when she opened up Favor on a trendy street in Oakland. I was heart-broken when she moved the store to San Francisco. The necklaces, bracelets, and pins are one of a kind and very eye-catching. They are made of carved resin and sterling silver. I have 2 necklaces (one with a hummingbird and one with a picture of Frida Kahlo), each of which cost me about $100 but they have been worth every penny. I cannot wear them without receiving a multitude of compliments because they are just so unique. If the necklaces and bracelets are too girly for you, she also has cufflinks. My partner has been bugging me to get her a pair for awhile. Hotcakes Design can be found in stores across the country. See their website for locations. They will also ship any piece to you.

I found that wearing my necklace with a plain blouse, sweater, or tank top can really spice up the outfit. This leads me to my philosophy about fashion. The secret is accessories. The more accessories you have, the less clothes, particularly expensive clothes, you need. Yes I spent a benjamin on a necklace (don't judge) but I can wear it with many different things I already have in my closet. Maybe I’ll buy a $5 tank top to change things up. It’s much more cost effective and fashionable than buying 3 new shirts that wouldn’t really have the wow factor that wearing one of Caramia’s pieces would.

Express Yourself

So you've found your style, now can you express it? I realize that I have been blessed. I live in an area where my partner and I can dress any way we want and it's accepted or at least tolerated. My partner wears ties all the time and rarely gets a double take when we're in public. Once again, I realize I am lucky. Not everywhere in the country do lesbians feel safe enough to express their true selves. I began thinking about this in my own life.

My partner and I went back to the small town on the east coast where I grew up over the holidays. Prior to the trip, my partner asked me, "can I wear a tie there?". I was kind of surprised she asked this because she often wears ties. Why should it be any different there? Well, because it is different. We live primarily in a straight world. And most of this world likes to put us in nice neat little categories like man and woman. If people see something out of the ordinary for them like a woman wearing a tie, it confuses them. When people are confused, they feel stupid because they don't like not understanding things. When people feel stupid, they criticize because they can't stand feeling stupid. Instead of them feeling bad, they have to make you feel bad. Basically, it's not you, it's them. But it still doesn't feel pleasant when you believe that your style is not accepted because it doesn't fit into everyone else's categories. So what is a girl to do?

I advised my partner to wear the tie. She did. And it was fine. No stares, no snide comments. Maybe I underestimated the open mindedness of my small town. Maybe times are changing. Or maybe we just didn't run into all the town homophobes. Maybe people kept their comments to be said only behind closed doors. I probably will never know. But the optimist in me (maybe it's our new president's influence) believes that times are changing. And the more that we be ourselves, the more that people will get used to it. Remember the slogan coined by Jane Sheehan of Queer Nation, "we're here, we're queer, get used to it." Here's to hoping that in the near future, all women will be able to express their true style.

Got Glasses?

Have you seen the January cover of Vanity Fair magazine? Hot! Tina Fey is definitely one of my favorite lesbians. Oh wait, she not a lesbian?! So, why do us grrls love her so much, beside the obvious reasons? Well, I will tell you what first peaked my interest and sent my gaydar soaring. She's got the "gay glasses". You know which ones I mean. Eight years ago when I was coming out, these black plastic frame glasses were the sure fire way to pick out my "teammates" in the crowd. I even ditched my contacts and got a pair. I thought it would make me less attractive to men (cause ya know girls in glasses are never sexy..wink, wink) and help send out the bat signal to all the single ladies.

Well, the "gay glasses" are no longer just for us. Lots of straight celebrities like our girl Tina have been sporting the specs. The secret codes and stereotypes no longer stand. Without these codes,I think my gaydar is still good, almost too good (I think everyone is gay). But, some of my old tricks of the trade just don't work anymore. So what is a girl supposed to do? How are we supposed to tell if that cute librarian looking woman in the cubicle down the hall is on our team? I guess we're going to have to do something that we hate to do. We're actually going to have to walk up and talk to her! And yes, come out and ask her out!

I guess if that's too bold for you or you're married/partnered like me, then you can do what I'm doing...shopping for a new pair of hot designer glasses. I'm irked but also flattered by the fact the straight world wants to copy us. Regardless, I feel the need to start a new trend that makes the glasses cool and oh so lesbo again. The key is color. My favorite happens to be blue. A couple specs I'm considering:
Christian Dior
Vivienne Westwood
Check out alldesignerglasses.com for more ideas.

Straight Girls Are Funny

Last night I went to a birthday dinner for one of my good friends who happens to be straight. Her attire preparations for this dinner were weeks in the making. She originally wanted to wear a cute, flowy, magenta, cobalt blue, and black Betsey Johnson dress. A few days prior to the event, she emailed me and said she thought that dress wasn't flirty and sexy enough because it wasn't above knee length and had no plunging neckline. I recommended sticking with that dress since I'm all for being sexy not slutty. Well she decided not to listen to me and bought a new shorter bustier version of the old dress. The day before her birthday bash, she got a tip from another friend (also straight) that she should get her makeup professionally done. She also wanted my opinion on this. Well I don't know any dyke who has ever had her makeup professionally done for a birthday party or at all for that matter. I didn't even have mine done for my wedding! But, as a good friend, I told her to do it if it would make her feel better.

Finally, when I arrived at her house, I have to say she looked amazing. But then again, I think she looks cute without the fake eyelashes, heavy makeup, and falsie enhanced cleavage. She even went temporarily blind for the evening because she didn't want to wear her glasses! I began thinking about all these crazy things that women do to supposedly increase their odds of getting noticed. I thought for a minute that it was just a straight girl thing but maybe not. Yes, the heteros may take first place in this competition. But we aren't that innocent either in our attempts to transform ourselves into what we think others are looking for. The problem happens when the lashes come off, the glasses go back on, and the C cup turns to A. Aren't we looking for the person who is going to love us in that version of ourselves? I knew I had the girl of my dreams when she thought I looked sexy in my Yankees baseball cap and softball uniform. So when you're in search of Ms. Right, it's OK to make an effort to look good but don't do it at the expense of losing who you really are. She doesn't want to have to peel off the layers to find the real you.

Dressing for Every Occasion

The other night my wife and I decided to host “game night” at our house. What lesbian isn’t up for a little friendly competition? So, I, my wife, and several of our queer friends got together for beers and Balderdash. When I was deciding what to wear for the event, I realized I had the perfect outfit. My friends arrived and apparently were not surprised to see what I was wearing. They know I am both stylish and fiercely competitive. I had put on a green Nike t-shirt with rainbow writing that said, “Consider your butt already kicked”. I paired this with brown corduroys, a pink zip-up sweatshirt and pink Kangaroos sneakers.

I then began thinking about how much fun and easy it is to dress for every occasion. A shirt that I would typically have worn to the gym or softball practice transformed into the centerpiece of my game night ensemble. The main idea is to think outside the box or rather, your closet. No matter where you are going or what you are doing, picking out your outfit should be fun, not dreadful. Follow these simple tips:

1. Think about the occasion and what impression you want to make. Do you want to be the center of attention? Clearly I did. It was my house, I was the host, and I wanted to win! If you do too, then don’t be afraid to go for something more daring. If you want to blend in with the crowd, you can still follow rules 2 & 3.

2. Choose one stand-out piece to base your outfit on. It could be a pair of lime green patent leather flats, a big chunky necklace, or a skull and cross bones tie.

3. Then move on to choose more subtle pieces to pair with it such as a pair of jeans, plain white collared shirt, or a pair of black converse sneakers.

Pulling it all together will help you to look put together rather than over done or worst of all under done. And it makes fashion fun!

Lesbian Style

Yes, I know. I promised in my last blog to write about spring foot fashion. However, as you will soon observe, I am a Gemini and Geminis change their minds often. Get used to it. I will write about spring footwear at a later time when I actually find something worthy of writing about. I can't bring myself to blog about the ungodly Gladiator sandals that are sure to be popular again this season.

I was at a fundraiser this weekend at a lesbian bar which prompted this commentary. I observed why lesbians are constantly getting a bad rap when it comes to fashion. I don’t think it’s that we are particularly bad at picking out clothes or that we really think wearing baseball caps with down ski vests is going to get us noticed. It’s just that many of us have not yet found our own personal style. Now I’m all about wearing whatever makes you feel most comfortable and confident. But don’t you also want to impress the cute girl sitting at the other end of the bar? I believe that if you find your personal style, you will feel comfortable and confident but won’t necessarily have to put on your old sneakers to do so.

So how do you find your personal style you ask? You try different styles out! When I was first coming out, I thought that being a lesbian meant that you had to dress “butch”. So I locked away my pencil skirts, high heels, and opted for bowling shoes and baggy pants. I thought I looked like a lesbian but did not feel confident that I would meet a hot butch woman with those clothes on. After some time of trying different styles, I went back to my femme ways and realized that I felt great. And I was getting the attention from the ladies that I wanted. The bottom line is everyone has a personal style. You just have to find it. Don’t wear what every other woman is wearing just to fit in. Be daring. Try on those skirts, pantsuits, heels, ties, whatever! Then go test it out. You’ll know you’ve found your style when you feel like a million bucks AND that hottie at the end of the bar gives you her number.

Traveling in Style

Wanna see some badly dressed people? Go to an airport. Airports are notorious for showcasing the many styles, albeit bad styles, of the people who travel the world. I recently noticed this phenomenon while traveling "back east" (I now use this west coast resident terminology) to visit my family for the holidays. I always enjoyed people watching in airports as you could see just about anything from a celebrity to a chihuahua to a celebrity with a chihuahua. But this time around I was focused on the clothes, the style.

I admit that I am not the most fashionable traveler. I admire those who can put on their stilettos and tight jeans to fly across the country. I usually opt for my comfy sweatpants and sweatshirt. The airport phenomenon that bugged me the most this holiday season was seeing women wearing Uggs or Uggs like boots. I am totally over this fad but apparently the rest of the world is not. I saw Uggs with jeans, sweatpants, skirts, pants tucked into Uggs, pants over the Uggs, brown Uggs, black Uggs, pink Uggs, and Uggs with fur trim. Because of my observations, I am now making this public service announcement.

There is only one instance from this point in time forward that you should wear a pair of Uggs or Ugg like boots. The instance I am referring to is when you are in the middle of a snowstorm and need to trek through the snow from your house to your mailbox to get your mail. You should not wear Uggs to the grocery store with a mini skirt. How much snow will you encounter in the produce isle? You should not wear your sweatpants tucked into your Uggs on the way to the gym. Do your toes really need to be that warm prior to working out? Basically, you should never wear Uggs again outside of your home or yard. This may sound harsh but the trend is over. It's done. Let's move on..to what you may ask? Find out in my next posting about what I love for spring foot fashion.